Life, Oh Life

Every year there’s a time where I begin to question my own being, my purpose, and what it is I’m striving for in life. It’s usually followed by some length of depressing-ness (the act of being depressed, rather than suffering from depression). I guess I’m going through it now.

The sad reality of the situation is that I really don’t have any friends. None. Nada. Zilch. I spend my weekends wondering what things I can do – I don’t drink, or frequent bars, and with a desire to keep my expenses low, I feel myself gravitating towards watching odd things on the Internet or doing work. Facebook becomes increasingly depressing to visit. I play the banjo, sure, but that gets tiresome after a while. My phone rings on the sole occasion where someone wants something from me (aka craigslist).

One of the things I hear often is that “you should be more proactive”. I don’t know what it means to be more proactive than what I do without being restricted to becoming someone that I am not. But maybe it’s that I’m not happy with the someone that I am. Let’s face it: I’m in a suburb, with no one around me to call as a friend, with absolutely nothing to dispense my time with wisely over the weekend. Projects end up becoming a stark revelation that I’m trying to occupy myself and distract myself from realizing that I am, in fact, utterly lonely.

Maybe I’m doing something wrong. But I have to admit I’m tired of being the one oddball who makes every effort to be liked or become part of some group of people who are clearly in better positions. I don’t want to be the one who everyone feels sorry for – I’d rather not have sympathy.

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~ by allthenittygritty on May 30, 2010.

One Response to “Life, Oh Life”

  1. boo. boo. boo. move to Utah! Sawyer + I are your friends!

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